Hästi kirjutatud kaebus

Police Complaint


This is a genuine complaint to Greenock Police Force from an angry member of the public. A true email sent to the force, lengthy but brilliantly written.....

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Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service,

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Greenock police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead.

Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Greenock, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.

As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in Mathie Crescent, which is just off Mathie Road in Gourock.

Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.

The remaining five failed-abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on ecstasy pills.

I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the caravan gas bottle that is lying on its side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would h appily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.

What I suggest is this - after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a Panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain your obedient servant


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Mr xxxxxxx,

I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youths playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you. Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards
PC xxxxxxx
Community Beat Officer

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Dear PC xxxxxx
First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail.

16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Greenock Police Station, and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next Guinness book.

Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own Community Beat Officer.

May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills? In the five or so years I have lived in Mathie Crescent , I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are head-hunted by MI5 to look for Osama.

Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Gourock, such as smoking in a public place or being Christian without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these ***** that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere?

The pitch on Larkfield Road or the one at Battery Park are both within spitting distance, as is the bottom of the Gourock Dock, the latter being the preferred option especially if the tide is in.

Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on <xxxxxxxx>. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in Monty's Pub.

Regards
xxxxxxx

Üldiselt see on 2012 Olümpia mängude logo, aga kui nüüd vähe teise pilguga vaadata, siis oleks nagu Lisa Simpson võtaks põske kelleltki

minge nohhhhh maisaaa naeru pidama

OMG Simpsonite porr!

kuidas surfata diivaniga:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWg6lxM8 ... re=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTFOsXor0Q8&feature=fvw

hästi vaadata siis järjest õhemaks se sofa läks põhjapoolest:D
'




Teadlased mõtlesid välja sellise kellasüsteemi, mis liigub iga öeldud ropu sõna peale 5min. edasi.
Selline riistapuu otsustatakse katseks üles panna ühte lasteaeda, ühte kooli ja ühte sõjaväestaapi.
Tullakse siis nädala pärast vaatama (lasteaeda) ja seal oli kell liikunud 5min. edasi.
Edasi minnakse kooli - kell 15min. edasi lükkunud.
kui teadlased sõjaväkke jõuavad oli üllatus rohkem kui suur - kella polnud!
Teadlased läksid staabi ülemuse juurde ja küsisid: ,,Mis sellest kellast sai mis siia nädala eest riputati?''
Staabiülemus: ,,bljat, kakoi tšasov? Nahui nam ventilatora nada, suka?!''


Politsei peab ebakaines olekus sõitva autojuhi kinni
ja peale puhumist viimane siis ütleb murelikult "nüüd
ma saan vist küll trahvi" Ment ütleb sellepeale
hoopis rõõmsamalt, "me võime ju paari tuhhi peale kihla
ka vedada, et ei saa"


Narkar siseneb Kopli trammi. Võtab käe taskust välja, et augustada trammipilet. Koos piletiga kukub taskust põrandale üks sihvka.
"Tule siia!" käratab ta ja osutab sihvkale näpuga.
"Tule siia, ütlen ma!" käratab ta kõvemini. Midagi ei juhtu. Siis paneb narkar uuesti käe tasku, võtab peotäie sihvkasid ja viskab trammi põrandale: "Tooge ta ära!"

Nüüd võib "eilset õhtut" hinnata uue skaala järgi:


Aste 1 - TARK
Selles astmes muutud sa eksperdiks absoluutselt igal teemal. Sa oled kindel et sa tead kõike ja sa tahad oma teadmisi jagada kõigile kes sind kuulavad. Selles astmes on sul alati ÕIGUS. Ja loomulikult inimesena, kellega sa vaidled, teab kõike VALESTI. See teeb jutuajamise huvitavaks kui igaüks kes vestleb on TARK.

Aste 2 - KÕIGE ILUSAM
Selles astmes sa saad aru et sina oled KÕIGE ILUSAM inimene kogu baaris ja et inimesed kadestavad sind. Sa võid minna suvalise võõra juurde, teades, et ta kadestab sind ja et ta tõesti tahab sinuga rääkida. Ja kuna sa oled ka TARK, siis sa võid selle inimesega rääkida igal teemal päikese all.

Aste 3 - RIKAS
Selles astmes muutud sa äkki kõige rikkamaks inimeseks maailmas. Sa võid osta jooke kõigile, sest sul on baari taha pargitud suur auto, mis on raha täis. Selles astmes võid sa vabalt kihlvedusid sõlmida, sest sa oled ju ikka TARK, nii et loogiliselt võttes sa võidad iga kihlveo. See ei loe üldse kui suure rahahunniku peale sa kihla vead, sest sa oled RIKAS. Samas ostad sa jooke kõikidele kes sind kadestavad, sest sa oled KÕIGE ILUSAM inimene maailmas.

Aste 4 - KUULIKINDEL
Nüüd oled sa valmis norima tüli igaühega (eriti nendega kellega sa kihla vedasid ja kellega sa vaidlesid). Sa võid vabalt astuda kaklusesse, sest mitte keegi ei saa sulle haiget teha. Võid vabalt minna ka meeste kaasatoodud kenade daamide juurde ja neid endale krabada, sest nende naiste meespartnerid ei saa sulle ju haiget teha. Ja miks ei peakski naised sind tahtma -- sa oled HAAVAMATU, TARK, peale selle veel RIKAS, ja kurat, sa oled niikuinii nendest kõikidest palju ILUSAM.

Aste 5 - NÄHTAMATU
See on joomise viimane aste. Selles astmes sa võid teha kõike, sest KEEGI EI NÄE SIND. Sa tantsid laual, selleks et avaldada muljet nendele keda sina kadestad, sest ülejäänud rahvas ruumis sind lihtsalt EI NÄE. Samuti ei näe sind ka inimene kellega sa kakelda tahad. Sa võid keset tänavat kõndides laulda täiest kõrist, ilma et keegi sind näeks või kuuleks, ja kuna sa oled ikka veel TARK, tead sa kõikide laulude sõnu peast.

http://www.reporter.ee/2008/12/14/hea-t ... isse-toob/
Keegi saab aru, mis sussi sisse siis tuuakse?

Sõbranna saatis mulle ükspäev selle,tükkaega mõtlesin,ühesõnaga sussissiisssesussisssisessussi

http://hel-looks.com/
Aga palun, finnish freakshow daily nah...

Mis leht see on?

About HEL LOOKS

HEL LOOKS is selected street fashion from Helsinki, the capital of Finland. The pictures are taken in the streets and clubs of Helsinki from July 2005 onwards.

natuke lugemist
http://shoulddrinkmore.blogspot.com/

Nagu Mihkel Raua kaksik...Lillekestele hoiatuseks, et sisaldab vulgaarset sõnakasutust.